[ Why would it be a big surprise? She should certainly know by now that Levi doesn't return her (apparent) distaste toward him. ]
[ He's not quite surprised, but he's certainly quietly pleased when she doesn't make a scene of it. Looks like she understands. That's good. He can only be grateful for it. ]
...yeah.
[ He's working on it! They just won't let him get more than two per month, and, well. Others are more important. So they get priority. He can handle himself (probably). ]
[Because somehow she's obviously still not expecting that from him???
She really could have made a scene but no, she's still as calm as most of the time.]
. . . Good.
[Not awkward at all, so many words, how can they hear anything from all of this rambling??? Deep breath after a moment.]
And you better get that sooner than later.
[Midget better not get into a situation, where this world pulls some bullshit to him and his skills before he gets that pin to himself too. Yes, she actually cares and that situation would also show that she cares about him too. As if just saying all of this doesn't also show it but ssssshhhhhhhhhh, no one needs to know.]
[ And then he'll give it to Erwin! Oops! Making himself wait yet another month. But, hey, nobody's keeping track of that (hopefully). ]
[ They'll probably stare at each other for a while longer in silence, then Levi will awkwardly take his leave, assuming Mikasa doesn't have anything else to say. ]
[Well, her last memories from home include holding a blade on his throat but NOT killing or even injuring him with it, so-- maybe she worries and cares and doesn't hate him as much as she seems to...]
Good.
[And she won't be surprised at all when that one goes to Erwin, because seriously, who would be?? She is not keeping track but she'll notice that Levi doesn't have it and she'll get that to him, oooops.
So much silence. Awkward deadpan, emotionless silence... He's possibly leaving by the time Mikasa makes up her mind about whether or not to ask something right here, right now.]
What -- [UMMMM, WHAT ARE WORDS???] What made you change your mind back on that day in Shiganshina?
[Honestly, maybe she didn't need to say all of those words because considering Mikasa's last memories from home, it may be clear what "that day" is or even what changing his mind about something referred to. ...But yeah, guess who has been sometimes wondering about that through all these years.
Not that Levi really has to tell her, at least not right now, if he doesn't feel like it, she'd understand that too with everything, that happened on that day.]
[ And as much shit as Levi had given them for it then, he had understood. It was just... truly the worst day of his life. No good choices at all; the path of less regrets still had hundreds. Some days, he wonders about this himself. Some days, he knows he would make the same decision again if he was faced with it a second time. ]
[ It was just... too much of everything. Erwin's dream, his resolve, his acceptance, his practically asking Levi to let him be the kind of man he could be proud of even if it meant dying. His peace. The way he moved out of Levi's reach. The way he had finally become free... Floch's tirade about a devil, something he would have heard for the rest of his life despite how broken he already was. The way Armin's eyes shone just like Erwin's, the way the brats held those same ideals as so many of their fallen comrades, the way Levi knew he'd like to protect them from such grief even if it meant bearing it himself-- ]
[ He pauses and turns slightly so he can stare at Mikasa with his good eye for a few moments. ]
[ -- but no, he's only being an asshole for a moment before he sighs and turns to face her more fully, though he's no longer meeting her eyes now, staring down instead as he does when he feels he's being vulnerable. ]
...Suppose I just realized I was being selfish.
[ There was probably no other person who wanted Erwin back more than he did. But he let him go -- no, he chose it for him. And he'll always have a deep sorrow about it, but he couldn't even live with himself if he'd chosen the opposite. ]
[ Whatever leaves one with less regrets, wasn't it?.. ]
No. [She says that instantly without any hesitation.] That clearly had absolutely nothing to do with it-- at least not while we were still on the same roof top.
[But between everything else, that happened after that?? Who knows, maybe Levi did think about everything they said among everything else, that must have gone through his mind way back then. It's one of the worst days of her life too, not the worst but high up there with the rest of them, even if in her and the other 104's case it was a happy ending.]
I see.
[That's less instant, she takes her time to think about it and the following lines too. See how she's still bad at words and doesn't even know what to say to that. But really, she has been thinking about it a lot.]
Well, I can't say I'm not glad you changed your mind. But I'm sorry for your loss.
[but yes, choices with least regrets because most of them can't be done with no regrets at all.]
[ Mikasa's little friend slash family group may have had a happy ending that day, but they had still been forced to fight their former friends they had shared roof and bread with for three years. That couldn't have been easy. And then, so many of them had died. Nearly the entire Survey Corps got wiped out, and even if the kids were not particularly close to most of them at the time, the weight of the situation still had to be suffocating even for them. ]
[ Levi doesn't think he ever fully recovered from it, not really. But he didn't have the luxury to dwell on things or break down. He had to keep going, for everyone's sake, for humanity, for everyone who had perished to give him a fighting chance. And so he did. ]
Yeah. [ He lingers. Looks like they both struggle putting feelings into words, even though he has no doubt Mikasa feels them just as intensely as he does -- he's seen her fight, after all, and someone without emotions would not manage it like they do -- almost humorously, he wonders if that's too a part of their blood, as distant as their relation is. Luckily, because they're similar in that regard... he understands what has been left unsaid, and he's grateful for what was. He thinks it's the first time Mikasa has ever said that to him about what happened back there. ] ...Thanks.
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callyourname) wrote2023-02-27 12:45 am
no subject
[ He's not quite surprised, but he's certainly quietly pleased when she doesn't make a scene of it. Looks like she understands. That's good. He can only be grateful for it. ]
...yeah.
[ He's working on it! They just won't let him get more than two per month, and, well. Others are more important. So they get priority. He can handle himself (probably). ]
no subject
She really could have made a scene but no, she's still as calm as most of the time.]
. . . Good.
[Not awkward at all, so many words, how can they hear anything from all of this rambling??? Deep breath after a moment.]
And you better get that sooner than later.
[Midget better not get into a situation, where this world pulls some bullshit to him and his skills before he gets that pin to himself too. Yes, she actually cares and that situation would also show that she cares about him too. As if just saying all of this doesn't also show it but ssssshhhhhhhhhh, no one needs to know.]
no subject
I will.
[ And then he'll give it to Erwin! Oops! Making himself wait yet another month. But, hey, nobody's keeping track of that (hopefully). ]
[ They'll probably stare at each other for a while longer in silence, then Levi will awkwardly take his leave, assuming Mikasa doesn't have anything else to say. ]
no subject
Good.
[And she won't be surprised at all when that one goes to Erwin, because seriously, who would be?? She is not keeping track but she'll notice that Levi doesn't have it and she'll get that to him, oooops.
So much silence. Awkward deadpan, emotionless silence... He's
possiblyleaving by the time Mikasa makes up her mind about whether or not to ask something right here, right now.]What -- [UMMMM, WHAT ARE WORDS???] What made you change your mind back on that day in Shiganshina?
[Honestly, maybe she didn't need to say all of those words because considering Mikasa's last memories from home, it may be clear what "that day" is or even what changing his mind about something referred to. ...But yeah, guess who has been sometimes wondering about that through all these years.
Not that Levi really has to tell her, at least not right now, if he doesn't feel like it, she'd understand that too with everything, that happened on that day.]
1/2
[ It was just... too much of everything. Erwin's dream, his resolve, his acceptance, his practically asking Levi to let him be the kind of man he could be proud of even if it meant dying. His peace. The way he moved out of Levi's reach. The way he had finally become free... Floch's tirade about a devil, something he would have heard for the rest of his life despite how broken he already was. The way Armin's eyes shone just like Erwin's, the way the brats held those same ideals as so many of their fallen comrades, the way Levi knew he'd like to protect them from such grief even if it meant bearing it himself-- ]
[ He pauses and turns slightly so he can stare at Mikasa with his good eye for a few moments. ]
Wondering if it was your little mutiny, huh?
[ THEY'RE GREAT AT THIS -- ]
2/2
...Suppose I just realized I was being selfish.
[ There was probably no other person who wanted Erwin back more than he did. But he let him go -- no, he chose it for him. And he'll always have a deep sorrow about it, but he couldn't even live with himself if he'd chosen the opposite. ]
[ Whatever leaves one with less regrets, wasn't it?.. ]
no subject
No. [She says that instantly without any hesitation.] That clearly had absolutely nothing to do with it-- at least not while we were still on the same roof top.
[But between everything else, that happened after that?? Who knows, maybe Levi did think about everything they said among everything else, that must have gone through his mind way back then. It's one of the worst days of her life too, not the worst but high up there with the rest of them, even if in her and the other 104's case it was a happy ending.]
I see.
[That's less instant, she takes her time to think about it and the following lines too. See how she's still bad at words and doesn't even know what to say to that. But really, she has been thinking about it a lot.]
Well, I can't say I'm not glad you changed your mind. But I'm sorry for your loss.
[but yes, choices with least regrets because most of them can't be done with no regrets at all.]
no subject
[ Levi doesn't think he ever fully recovered from it, not really. But he didn't have the luxury to dwell on things or break down. He had to keep going, for everyone's sake, for humanity, for everyone who had perished to give him a fighting chance. And so he did. ]
Yeah. [ He lingers. Looks like they both struggle putting feelings into words, even though he has no doubt Mikasa feels them just as intensely as he does -- he's seen her fight, after all, and someone without emotions would not manage it like they do -- almost humorously, he wonders if that's too a part of their blood, as distant as their relation is. Luckily, because they're similar in that regard... he understands what has been left unsaid, and he's grateful for what was. He thinks it's the first time Mikasa has ever said that to him about what happened back there. ] ...Thanks.